白羊座女孩把真实的自己藏於半夜的寂静和午夜笑声的明朗中
白羊座女孩很念旧,喜欢旧东西.
白羊座女孩最注重的就是安全感.希望被保护,却常常是一个人
她们可以外表装的很无辜且无所谓但是心里却很在乎.
她们可以对一切的困难面临时很勇敢其实私下里最怕孤独.
她们可以用开玩笑的方式说出自己心中的真心话 却在生气时嘴上从来不留情面.
她们可以拥有一颗锄强扶弱的心 .
她们的心是把握不住的风，她们渴望像风一样单纯而自由。
Friday, May 24, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
What I learnt from GE13
这届大选我们知道了以下几件事情:
From Malaysia General 13th Election we know :
1. 选票箱会从天上掉下来
Voting box can fall from the sky.
2. 选票箱会在停电后现身
Voting box can appear after electricity blackout in counting process.
3. 选票箱原来有上等货跟次货
Voting box there is "normal" and "special" type.
4. 选票箱原来是用机场taxi送进去计票中心
Voting box can be sent to vote collection centre with special taxi from airport.
5. 选票箱可以不见几小时之后被送进计票中心
Voting box can dissappear few hours , and suddenly sent to vote collection centre.
6. 外劳可以决定我们大马公民的未来
Foreign workers can decide Malaysia citizen's future.
7. 部分警察可以对人民施暴
Some armed authority can use violent to people.
8. 警察跟镇暴部队是保护"Rela"而存在的
The police and anti-riot is only to protect government body, not the people.
9. 动不动就叫镇爆队出来恐吓人民
Anti riot force is used to scare the people.
10. 不退色墨汁的7天有效期不是在手指，而是在记忆
Permanent ink stays 7 days NOT on the finger, but in memories.
11. 不退色墨汁有halal 跟 non-halal
Permanent ink has "halal" and "non halal".
12. 选票有瑕疵，是不能要求换票，还要被大声喝走
If vote ballot paper has deformity and reported, it was not allowed to change, and voters being chased away.
13. 这条是最重要的 ——> 开票有必要这么久吗？！5个小时竟然开不完一般议席的选票？！
It takes very very long to count vote, even after 5 hours of voting due time, voting is still counting.
taken frm network.
From Malaysia General 13th Election we know :
1. 选票箱会从天上掉下来
Voting box can fall from the sky.
2. 选票箱会在停电后现身
Voting box can appear after electricity blackout in counting process.
3. 选票箱原来有上等货跟次货
Voting box there is "normal" and "special" type.
4. 选票箱原来是用机场taxi送进去计票中心
Voting box can be sent to vote collection centre with special taxi from airport.
5. 选票箱可以不见几小时之后被送进计票中心
Voting box can dissappear few hours , and suddenly sent to vote collection centre.
6. 外劳可以决定我们大马公民的未来
Foreign workers can decide Malaysia citizen's future.
7. 部分警察可以对人民施暴
Some armed authority can use violent to people.
8. 警察跟镇暴部队是保护"Rela"而存在的
The police and anti-riot is only to protect government body, not the people.
9. 动不动就叫镇爆队出来恐吓人民
Anti riot force is used to scare the people.
10. 不退色墨汁的7天有效期不是在手指，而是在记忆
Permanent ink stays 7 days NOT on the finger, but in memories.
11. 不退色墨汁有halal 跟 non-halal
Permanent ink has "halal" and "non halal".
12. 选票有瑕疵，是不能要求换票，还要被大声喝走
If vote ballot paper has deformity and reported, it was not allowed to change, and voters being chased away.
13. 这条是最重要的 ——> 开票有必要这么久吗？！5个小时竟然开不完一般议席的选票？！
It takes very very long to count vote, even after 5 hours of voting due time, voting is still counting.
taken frm network.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Friday Jokes in the Court
WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Hongkie, Singaporean, Indonesian & Malaysian
Being a Hongkie is good because...
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous
9. Our Christians can pray to Allah
We love being Singaporean because..
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially Malaysians) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can speed and throw anything, anytime, anywhere.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour on Malaysian roads and not end up with a summon as long as we have RM50 with us to pay the traffic cops when caught. 8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl 'Do you have CPF?'
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will end up in the sea.
10. We never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit... nyek nyek nyek.
12. It's OK to be 'Kiasu'. It's part of our culture.
13. Our Christians can pray to Allah.
Reasons for being Indonesian are as follow...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia .
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything on Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or whoever's next?
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF says so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over South East Asia and nobody can do a thing... nyek nyek nyek.
9. We do not need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...
10. We can change our religion from Christianity to Islam to Hinduism to Buddhism and back without any problems.
11. Our Christians can pray to Allah.
Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World's tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, because Malaysia Boleh!
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting the radio and bribing the traffic police at the same time.
3. We can get a divorce by sending just an SMS.
4. Traffic summons can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We can have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity because our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or the opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. Most drivers can make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lanes when police are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR/TNB/TALIKOM/SYABAS to do. They dig, resurface the road, dig and resurface...and blame each other for bad co-ordination.
11. All main roads are designated highway because it gives Samy Velu a reason to collect toll.
12. Our government can never be wrong or dishonest.
13. Our badminton players are paid only RM35,000 when they win a major international tournament which is very cheap compared to David Beckham.
14. You can easily get a divorce and marry a young singer you like.
15. We can even use C4 explosives to bombard Gengkis Khan or Kublai Khan's great grandchildren.
16. We have more water than Singapore .... nyek nyek nyek.
17. If you have no money you can always snatch other peoples' money since police can't do much to help.
18. If you are the police, doesn't matter about the traffic rules, it's for citizens only
19. If you are a police outrider you can kick and bang peoples' cars.
20. If you drive a police car, you don't need seat belts. You can speed because speed limits only apply to citizens.
21. You can settle your summons with big discounts during "Sales Malaysia".
22. All motorbike riders can join the recognized & supported Mat Rempit Club for free and can beat up anybody in their way and can even throw stones at the police station anytime they like.
23. If you got nothing to do, join Rela and go to the kongsi gelap & extort monies from all the foreign workers.
24. You can rape people and blame them for wearing very little.
25. You don't need to bother about the poor when you race in your F1.
26. You can keep your money and get a free degree when you have 'connections'.
27. You can get work done with 2 hours lunch break, 2 hours tea break, 2 hours with God and the rest of the time attending meetings.
28. You get free "bumi" status if you swim from Indonesia.
29. You can change your sworn Statutory Declaration anytime.
30. You can be a pedophile by "marrying" your young bride.
31 . A country so free to do things you like. Tell me which country is like ours.
32. Oh, I forgot....our Christians cannot pray to Allah.
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous
9. Our Christians can pray to Allah
We love being Singaporean because..
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially Malaysians) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can speed and throw anything, anytime, anywhere.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour on Malaysian roads and not end up with a summon as long as we have RM50 with us to pay the traffic cops when caught. 8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl 'Do you have CPF?'
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will end up in the sea.
10. We never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit... nyek nyek nyek.
12. It's OK to be 'Kiasu'. It's part of our culture.
13. Our Christians can pray to Allah.
Reasons for being Indonesian are as follow...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia .
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything on Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or whoever's next?
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF says so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over South East Asia and nobody can do a thing... nyek nyek nyek.
9. We do not need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...
10. We can change our religion from Christianity to Islam to Hinduism to Buddhism and back without any problems.
11. Our Christians can pray to Allah.
Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World's tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, because Malaysia Boleh!
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting the radio and bribing the traffic police at the same time.
3. We can get a divorce by sending just an SMS.
4. Traffic summons can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We can have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity because our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or the opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. Most drivers can make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lanes when police are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR/TNB/TALIKOM/SYABAS to do. They dig, resurface the road, dig and resurface...and blame each other for bad co-ordination.
11. All main roads are designated highway because it gives Samy Velu a reason to collect toll.
12. Our government can never be wrong or dishonest.
13. Our badminton players are paid only RM35,000 when they win a major international tournament which is very cheap compared to David Beckham.
14. You can easily get a divorce and marry a young singer you like.
15. We can even use C4 explosives to bombard Gengkis Khan or Kublai Khan's great grandchildren.
16. We have more water than Singapore .... nyek nyek nyek.
17. If you have no money you can always snatch other peoples' money since police can't do much to help.
18. If you are the police, doesn't matter about the traffic rules, it's for citizens only
19. If you are a police outrider you can kick and bang peoples' cars.
20. If you drive a police car, you don't need seat belts. You can speed because speed limits only apply to citizens.
21. You can settle your summons with big discounts during "Sales Malaysia".
22. All motorbike riders can join the recognized & supported Mat Rempit Club for free and can beat up anybody in their way and can even throw stones at the police station anytime they like.
23. If you got nothing to do, join Rela and go to the kongsi gelap & extort monies from all the foreign workers.
24. You can rape people and blame them for wearing very little.
25. You don't need to bother about the poor when you race in your F1.
26. You can keep your money and get a free degree when you have 'connections'.
27. You can get work done with 2 hours lunch break, 2 hours tea break, 2 hours with God and the rest of the time attending meetings.
28. You get free "bumi" status if you swim from Indonesia.
29. You can change your sworn Statutory Declaration anytime.
30. You can be a pedophile by "marrying" your young bride.
31 . A country so free to do things you like. Tell me which country is like ours.
32. Oh, I forgot....our Christians cannot pray to Allah.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Smartphone Below RM500???
Have you ever come across some advertisement that give promotion and they always put there "TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY"
During September this year, our PM announces that for Budget 2013, there is a rebate of RM200 for youth who purchases their SMARTPHONE. This have made many youths excited and can't wait to buy an I-Fong5....hmmm...what a smart plan huh?? But our PM did not describe the whole "Terms and Conditions" during the presentations of Budget 2013.... and nearly the end of 2012, when everyone check on the website of MCMC, ttaaahhh-ddaaahh.....the true picture finally revealed...and this is it:-
Applications for the rebate are open from Jan 1 to Dec 31, 2013 and interested youths can apply through the MCMC website.
During September this year, our PM announces that for Budget 2013, there is a rebate of RM200 for youth who purchases their SMARTPHONE. This have made many youths excited and can't wait to buy an I-Fong5....hmmm...what a smart plan huh?? But our PM did not describe the whole "Terms and Conditions" during the presentations of Budget 2013.... and nearly the end of 2012, when everyone check on the website of MCMC, ttaaahhh-ddaaahh.....the true picture finally revealed...and this is it:-
MCMC published the following criteria in its website:
- Only applies to Malaysian citizens from the ages of 21-30;
- Monthly income of RM3,000 and below;
- Smartphone models below the price of RM500;
- Each youth is only entitled to purchase one smartphone;
- Customers can either use their existing mobile broadband or apply for new packages;
It's FreeNo Subscription Needed
PercumaTidak Perlu Melanggan...
RM200 rebate only for smartphones below RM500
The Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) has revealed that the RM200 smartphone rebate announced in Budget 2013 is only for smartphones priced below RM500.
MCMC published the following criteria in its website:
- Only applies to Malaysian citizens from the ages of 21-30;
- Monthly income of RM3,000 and below;
- Smartphone models below the price of RM500;
- Each youth is only entitled to purchase one smartphone;
- Customers can either use their existing mobile broadband or apply for new packages;
According to the notice published yesterday, the rebate programme under the National Broadband Initiative (NBI) has been allocated a sum of RM300 million by the government which will benefit 1.5 million youths.
Applications for the rebate are open from Jan 1 to Dec 31, 2013 and interested youths can apply through the MCMC website.
A blue stamp was visible at the right corner of the website that read Janji Ditepati, Mulai 1 Januari 2013, Budget 2013 (Promises Fulfilled from Jan 1, 2013, Budget 2013).
However, Malaysiakini found that the website has been inaccessible since this morning.
Criteria finalised
When contacted by Malaysiakini, MCMC compliance department assistant director Fairul Rizal confirmed that the criteria for the smartphone rebate displayed in their website have been finalised.
Fairul explained that the website has been taken down since today as some of its designs have to be modified.
“There are some adjustments that need to be made to the advertorial mock-up in the website… We need to remove the blue stamp that says ‘Janji Ditepati, Mulai 1 Januari 2013, Budget 2013′ as the management does not agree with the display of it on the website,” added Fairul, who is also a committee member of the Youth Communications Package that is responsible of the rebate implementation.
However, when asked on RM500 ceiling price placed on the rebate, Fairul refused to comment.
Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak on Sept 28 under Budget 2013, announced a rebate of RM200 for the purchase of one 3G smartphone for youths aged 21 to 30, with a monthly income of RM3,000 and below or without monthly income, from authorised dealers under the Youth Communications Package.
Short URL: http://www.freemalaysiakini2.com/?p=60654
NiaSeng!! 凸凸凸凸
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